21 soon...

I am going to be 21 soon. In Singapore that means that I am able to vote, sign my brother's consent form, go to almost every club, watch an R(A) movie, uhm, basically do anything that an adult can do. I can finally move out and say that yes, mum you officially are not in charge of me. I am an adult. I have my own responsiblities.

But I don't want to turn 21 just yet. I haven't really enjoyed my period of life from 18-20. I spend those days in darkness that is best forgotton. On my 21st, I will be on a plane back to Singapore as well. I am not sure if I am really enthusiastic about going back there. I miss that place and all yeah, but I miss this place more. I miss Sydney for the freedom it can give me, the friends, the lifestyle and the non-existence of parental control.

When I go back Singapore on Nov 18, life will be back to like what is was before again. Boredom. It's depressing to be trapped on that tiny bloody island. I prefer to be here with all the freedom and marvellous weather.

Well, I don't know how I am going to react when I turn 21. But then again, I didn't know how I was going to react as well when I ORDED. Sometimes, when you build something up too much, the real reaction is never up to expectation. Like I never jump for joy when I orded. I thought I will cry when I finally saw my pink IC but no I just slipped it into my wallet and walked out of camp.

When I turn 21, I guess it will just be the same thing. It will just be another digit of my life added. I haven't achieved anything, I haven't found anyone and I am dirt broke. I am an adult but I am still as dependent on my parents as I was when I was a child.

So I guess, after cutting a cake on 18th November and saying my wishes as a 21 year old, I will still wake up the next morning feeling like a 20 year old. Nothing will change. I wouldn't be a millionaire overnight. Nothing will change. Just that sad calender ticking away at the corner, adding age to my sad little pathetic life and reminding me that time is running out for me to achieve something.