While in the midst of studying and consoling a lovesick friend of mine one day in the school library, I came up with a superb piece of analytical work on girls. After looking at it and studying the contents, he agreed wholeheartedly that wooing girls basically has these stages. Now, the fact that I have this on internet means I am rather confident that it is true and if anyone out there who feels that I am naive and stupid to come up with these stages should just keep their comments to themselves and stop sniggering. Without further ado, I shall show you the stages.

First Stage- The Sphere of Influence

This is the stage where every boy succeeds in. The stage where one gets to know girls on the common basis. The way they know their guy friends. The boy and girl are just friends and usually the boy knows the girl's friends well too. Laugh, joke and fart. The stage where there is still no chemistry.

Second Stage- The Sphere of Interest

Now this is the part when things start to become a little interesting. The part where a boy suddenly discover that boys and girls cannot be just best friends and that God made the both of them of a different sex for some reason. This is the period when he discover that among all the girl friends he knows, this one is special and a potential lover and life partner is in the making. This is the period when he begins to talk to the girl more than any of her other friends. Note that this stage is interchangable with the first. The boy maybe interested in the girl first before trying to get to know her friends to "help" him. This would be followed by the boy telling the good buddies around him that he likes her. Tormenting time for his guy friends cause he is usually lovesick and lost in his own world. Suddenly soccer doesn't interest him anymore and he would stop looking at other girls. Anyway, the guy may make his first move by declaring his feelings.

Third Stage- Cold War

Now this stage is where most boys make or break. Either they run into the brickwall or into eternal bliss. Yup, the stage which is the aftermath of annoucing that "That's the girl man! I am going to make her mine!" The both potential lovers would start to walk past each other like they are strangers and the friendship, laughter and jokes are sometimes lacking. The boy being the first to make the move must know how to get by this, if not he would hit a brickwall. He would discover where the hell are the good times we once shared? Is she avoiding me? Am I capable enough? Thousand and one questions. However persistance would get the boy far. (Note that you can be rejected and it is advised that you keep away from those girls who have Ah beng boyfriends.) All this is done in the spirit of assuming that there is no mutual affections. If there is the cold war stage would be skipped.

Fourth Stage- Relationship

Those of you people stuck in the third stage and seeing the screen turn red with the big words " GAME OVER " can now promptly forget about reading this stage. The stage where calm is restored and bliss reign. What else can I say? I would only wish them a happy ending. The things that couples do are heavily censored and since there is a chance that readers under sixteen would pop in, I would not describe it.

Fifth Stage- Marriage

Providing that there is no dumping, two timing and what not, this is the stage that the boy and girl would come to albeit subject to parental consent. Parents don't agree? Elope lah. Anyway, this is the stage where me the man leading you through this thing expects an invitation. Bloody hell, writing this instead of studying. I fail my exam, you.......

Alright. The end of it all. Note that this is purely a boy's view and girls may have a different view. Well you people are entitled to it. I see it coming. The cold war stage is the stage of girls putting boys to test. Will he flirt? Will he give up? Give up? That blockhead. Knew he could never be true to me. Well guys, the ball is in your court. As for my friend, come on lah, exam first. Got money got car, which girl don't want? There are many fishes out there. Just make sure you follw my 5 steps to success. Crap.