Life

Sometimes Life can literally kick you in the balls.

Just when you thought that life was a bliss, it suddenly makes an awkward turn, rear its ugly head and makes you wince in pain.

This clattering feeling happened to me not too long ago. After a stressful period of endless mugging, planning and fretting over essays, I expected some beautiful numbers to appear on my result slip. Apparently, my lecturer had other ideas.

Let's just say my results relative to my effort input is dismal. I really expected better this semester. I mean some of you people may call me a perfectionist but this is really what I feel I must achieve.

Life has already kicked me in the balls once. It was year 2003. After two blissful years of deluding myself that I am in the Top 20% in Singapore and hence assured of a place in a local university, I woke up to reality on the day of the GCE A level results. Reputation counts for nothing. Action speaks louder than words. These cliche phrases flooded my vision. I sat on the tarmac and wept silently.

Which brings me back to present day. As I grimaced in pain over the pathetic number of distinctions appearing on my transcript, I wondered aloud if it is indeed the dark ages again. Every single module that I have taken in my first year has been a product of blood, sweat and tears. The amount of stress, worried lines on the forehead and hair-ripping quadrupled during the essay deadline weeks. The reclusive persona within myself took over as I shut myself from the rest of the world.

Yet, the end product is this.

The social stigma prevailing over my head is not helping either. A Bachelor of Arts degree will always remain the least regarded among university graduates and students alike. Critics have branded it a 'toilet paper degree', 'No Future Degree' and 'General Degree'. The list is endless.

Hence, I have no choice. A life ruin by two years of folly. A degree purely driven by interest and a necessity to achieve perfection.

The endless bugbears that plagues a life of an arts student. The limited possibilities. A lost soul trapped in the realms of pragmatism.